Posts Tagged ‘toilet’

The bathroom.

The last place where a man can be a man without a woman constantly interrupting with all the girly stuff she can interrup a guy with. A place where a man can be a man.

The toilet.

A place where a dude can take a leak – or a dump if he wants to. Or just read the newspaper or a good book

A good book

… All by himself. A place of solace and serenity. Of chosen loneliness and concentration. Where one can find peace and relaxation amongst the fumes and odours that makes a man a man.

A sacred place. For man and woman actually.

But it is also a controversial place.

Every single man who shares, not only his life, but his home, house or appartment, knows the problem.

A man can stare for hours at this picture without realizing what's wrong. A woman only needs about 2½ seconds.

One of the most discussed situations in every relationship:

The toilet seat.

Over the years, many solutions has been proposed, this is just one of them:

And this is another:

But I see myself as a rational human being. A man of reason and intelligence. But yet, I still don’t see what it is that woman find so damn inconsiderate about the whole toilet seat-dispute.

Seen from a rational point of view, not putting the seat down is in fact a considerate thing to do.

What does the upward seat mean?

1) The toilet has been used. Alright, what a surprise.

2) The toilet has been used by a guy. Or a lesbian.

3) The guy urinated in the toilet.

For me to see, I’d rather go take a dump (or if I’m a woman take a leak) on a toilet on which the seat has not yet been put down. The reason? Okay, lets go through this:

1) Women often accuse men for not hitting the toilet when they stand up.

2) When guys stand up without the seat up, there’s a huge risk of pissing on the seat.

3) Women do not, I repeat, not like to use a toilet on which a guy has been pissing on the seat.

4) When the seat is up, it is very difficult to piss on the seat.

Ergo, when a woman finds a toilet where the seat is up, she can be somewhat sure that the seat has not been pissed on, and therefore whe can be sure that the seat is fairly clean and thenshe can use the toilet without being afraid that there’s urine on the seat.

Plus, it only takes 0.67 seconds to put the seat down (with a little help of Mr. Gravity).

Lawyered.

What the fuck is up with people these days? I just came back from taking a huge crap at the public library. Well, it could have been any damn public crapper anywhere on this God forsaken planet.

Imagine this: you sit alone, peacefully on the toilet, just minding your own business, reading the paper, when all of the sudden, all Hell breaks lose: Your colour blind fucktard of an Alcoholic Dad  tries to break the door open. I mean, for fuck’s sake, why didn’t you just take a look at that small, but yet still impressively visible red dot above the door handle that, not verbally but colourfully, states that this paticular toilet is fucking vacant?!

What the Hell is wrong with these people? What’s going on in their sick, twisted minds??

Wow, geez… Dude, that little reddish thingy above the door handle is red… Well, uh, that means that the door is locked, so I can’t get in… Oh no! I CAN’T GET IN?!! Fuck, but i NEED to get in!

[retard starts breaking the door the fuck down with all his might]

Goddammit, mother FUCKER, OPEN UP YOU SON of a BITCH! WHY CAN’T I GET IN?? WHY? WHYYY, GOOOOOD?! WHAT THE HELL’S WRONG WITH THIS CRUEL, CRUEL WORLD??

I really don’t know if that was really what went down in the guy’s head, during my crapper-assault, but I think it’s something like that.

Din alkoholiske far slår dig, fordi du er vedtaget

11/03-2010

I consider myself a rational and intelligent person. I do stupid stuff, I’m 19 for God’s sake, but there must be limits for just how stupid it is possible to be. Right now, I’m sitting in a train, heading home from Copenhagen and suddenly this urge comes over me. I have to use the lavatory! yeah I admit it, sometimes I need to take a leak somewhere public, which is cool and a totally natural thing to do (screw you haters). What’s not cool, natural or even intelligent is the person who obviously took a leak before me and chose to ignore all the pretty signs in the relatively room saying stuff like: “please sir, do not stand up while you’re pissing – thanks” because basically it’s dangerous, not to say just plain retarded. One could trip when the train hits a bump, or even worse: 87 % (lawyered!) of all men do not possess the appropriate aim in order to stand up, inside a moving vehicle, and hit the toilet – 100 % of these hit everything else: walls, floor, seat, hell even the window.

Just who can manage to be this unbelievably stupid and ignore, not only the pretty little signs but common sense? What are they thinking? Something in the lines of “Oh hell no, I ain’t gonna sit down like sum’ dumb woman-bitch! Imma stand up like the man I am! Screw the next person who has to take a goddamn shit after me, imma piss all over this son’ bitch!”

Was that close?