Posts Tagged ‘dustpocalypse’

I don’t have anything relevant nor intelligent to write about, but still I felt like I had to. So, what’s going down? Not much. I need to get myself together and call that masseuse (no, not a prostitute, if I need that I’d call Your Mother), I’ve been delaying it for about two or three weeks now, but my back is really killing me. It feels like I have two lumbs of agony pressed in between each scapula and my spine. One of each side of cause. Fucking exams. I have had them for almost 10 months now, but my economy didn’t allow me to pay for a massage, it still doesn’t, but my girlfriend gave me a gift certificate. Still, they’re a reminder, telling me to sit straight, and not bend my back when I sit in a chair reading or writing or stuff like that. That’s how I got ’em in the first place. My advice to you, dear reader (or jew) is a little something I got from this book I got called The Bible:

When you study for your exams, don’t sit in a couch bent over a small coffee table. Use a goddamn desk and a nice chair. The couch will fuck your back up. Seriously.

Okay! Motherfucking newsflash! It’s started to snow! Seriously huge motherfucking flakes of snow! Shit, last week the thermometer said 10-12 degrees! It’s supposed to be spring now, not fucking winther! I bet it’s that damn volcano, yet another side effect of the Dustpocalypse. Fucking snow!

När du studerar till din examen, inte sitta i en soffa böjd över ett litet soffbord. Använd ett jävla skrivbord och en fin stol. Soffan kommer knulla din igen. Allvarligt.

First the Snowpocalypse hit the States. Now something… Else is upon us: the Dustpocalypse. If some of you (yes, I know that at least a few people out there read my blog) hadn’t noticed, an Icelandic volcano, the Eyjafjallajökull, erupted last week and sent the European airports checkmate. In Copenhagen alone a stunning 2.250 arrivals and departures has been canceled. That’s not just a few flights. That’s a lot.

Coincidentally I was in Copenhagen when the shit hit the fan, and at first it was just a few cancelled flights to Norway and the airspace were said to be closed until 6 pm, but that was this Thursday, today is Monday and the airspace is still closed. Thank the Heavens I’m not trapped somewhere, like Copenhagen. One of my friends are currently stranded in Copenhagen on his way from Bangkok to Dublin (he has been in Thailand since last year, so I don’t blame him for wanting to go home).

I don’t know if it’s officially been dubbed the Dustpocalypse (yet) so I’m doing it now. Yeah, you stupid fucker, it’s nothing like what happened in Washington, man! You might say. But the fact is: fuck you! Here’s a list of what happens when a country is covered in 2 meters of snow:

  • People are trapped in their houses – no, they just have to stop being so fucking lazy and start walking(!) to the store instead of taking the fucking car.
  • Roofs collapsing – yeah, I don’t really have anything good on that one. That’s just too bad.
  • Snowball fights – fuck… YES!

So stop whining. Here’s what happens when a fucking country is hit by an enormous fucking volcanic dust cloud:

  • Airspace is closed – you don’t want fucking glass on the inside of your jet engines when you’re in a plane, don’t ya?
  • Climate changes – fuck yes, Al Gore! When the atmosphere is filled with ashes the warm rays of the Sun are not able to heat the Earth thus causing a cold summer – Yay, Al Gore says, it’s putting a stop to the global heating! No, fucker, read the next item.
  • Toxicity – okay, volcanic ashes are more or less made of sulfur, and sulfur is not good, not for humans nor plants, got that Al?
  • Acid rain – you know what happens when sulfur get’s mixed with the chemicals in our atmosphere? You get motherfucking acid rain, motherfucker! Just take a look on this shit:

SO2 + OH => HOSO2

=> HOSO2 + O2

=> HO2 + SO3

=> SO3 (g) + H2O (l)

=> H2SO4 (l)

Chemistry is the fucking truth brother… So if you got any sculptures or statues of marble or gypsum, I’d advise you to get them inside. Quickly. Oh, and by the way, acid and plants don’t mix.

  • Snow vs. sulfuric ashes – yeah, snow melts. You know what happens do dust and ashes that gets into the fucking atmosphere? It stays there. For a long time. When the volcano on what today is the Greek island of Santorini erupted? The ashes spread all around the fucking globe. They found traces of the ashes in the glaciers on frggin’ Greenland.

So, what were the consequences of the Snowpocalypse? Please I really wanna know, because I really doubt it was fair to associate a snowstorm with the damn apocalypse, when the Dustpocalypse kicks his fucking ass.