Posts Tagged ‘blog’

I noticed how my ratings has been dropping a lot the past weeks, so here’s a picture of a rock ‘n roll-jew upping the horns:

Comic is unrelated…

Posted: February 26, 2010 in Jokes, Misc.
Tags: , , , , , ,

So… Lamb is watching? I really, really love Penny Arcade, but seriously, I just don’t get this! There’s clearly some BioShock 2-stuff going on here but what the fuck? Can somebody please explain this to me? Am I really getting so old, that I no longer can manage to keep up with today’s gaming pop-culture? Personally I love lamb, some people say that it tastes like whool, but c’mon! I find that it tastes like fucking clouds!

Think about it, ever read a book called the Bible?

The Holy Bible, the book of books, now for Game Boy Advance!

It’s basically this huge brick of paper, coming in two parts: Part I and Part II. The first part, called The Old Testament is a collection of novellas and stuff, telling you that if you do not obey God (a megalomanic old dude with a beard) you get killed, stuck by lightning, made to salt or stoned (yeah, killed). Anyways, this God fella is PMS-ing all through Part I, until the writer (who by the way, is inkognito) decides that, that God fella might want to change direction, so he sends his son, this happy, surfer-looking dude down to earth:

His name is Jesus Christ and was born on christmas eve some 2000 years ago (in March), he was the child of the Virgin Mary, God and the Holy Ghost (OMG, isn’t the Father/God, the Son/Jesus and that Ghost the same as the Holy Trinity?! – yes they are, so Jesus jumped his own mom and is the son of himself).

Anyway, let’s get back on track; the writer of the Bible thought: “Hmm, God was actually preeeeetty mean in the first part, let’s make a huge plot twist and introduce this peace loving Jesus-guy, and give God a mental make-over and change his style from:

“Thou shalt not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me.” (Exodus, 20:2-17)

To:

“Hey Dude, it doesn’t matter if you steal, rape, commit adultery or kill people. As long as you say sorry you’re welcome into Paradise when you die. Don’t think about going to Hell. Just say sorry. Actually, screw that! I’ll just sacrifice my son on a wooden cross, and make him pay for your sins. How’s that?” (Pretty much all of the New Testament)

And that was pretty much what Jesus said himself:

*Spoiler alerts ahead*

Actually, when God’s plan works out in the end, and Jesus is about to die on his wooden cross he [Jesus] gets second toughts and cries out for God’s help, but alas! God didn’t answer the phone, and Jesus died. Aaw.

In the end of Part II aka The New Testament, the world ends in the Apocalypse, and there is this huge friggin war between Heaven and Hell, and Jesus comes back in the shape of a lamb (an old symbol of Jesus’ innocence and stuff like that) and kills everyone who won’t put a mark on their right hand or forhead, and the remaining people are lifted up to the skies and lives happily ever after in New Jerusalem along with God, the Ghost and Jesus.

So, if lambs are little Jesuses, let me have one more! The catholics seem to love consuming Jesus-bread (and Jesus-wine, that magically transforms into his blood… Damn you, catholic vampires!), and who can disagree with me when I say, that I’d rather have a nice piece of meat, lamb-beef than a piece of dry, moldy bread… Cheap catholics…

Han, som bränner ner en annan mans hus, är en mycket trevlig man.

… So, I don’t really know what’s kosher and what’s not, so if there’s any jews out there, I really don’t care if you get offended. Anywho it’s time to introduce myself: I come from the lands of the ice and snow, from the midnight sun where the hot springs blow *insert viking-ish battle cry in the 1970’s manner of Robert Plant*. When I’m not blogging, which is actually not a very time consuming part of my week, I listen to and write music (or at least I try), take photographs (with my camera) and play around with them in photoshop, also I’ve recently started writing fiction again after hitting a dry spell back in ’05, which means that I really haven’t completed anything since.
As I wrote, music plays a huge part in my life, and I picked up the guitar (a sucky spanish bastard that costed ’round 15€) when I was 15 and I’ve played it ever since (I replaced it with a Gibson SG a year and a half later). Mostly I listen to bluesy stuff from Robert Johnson to ZZ Top, but I get around with some classic rock ‘n roll, heavy metal, thrash and the occasional Cannibal Corpse.
About my writing… I like to write fiction of all sorts – except for tacky Danielle Steel-stuff (that shit makes me vomit – litteraly) from mysteries to horror/gore-novellas (in my last year of elementary school, my style was compared to Bret Easton Ellis’ American Psycho, which I took as a huge compliment, especially because I only was 15 years old, at that time). My dream is to finish a real novel sometime, but so far I’ve only managed to finish a few novellas or short stories.
Anyway, I suck at writing these profile/facebook-type intros, so I’m tell more aabout myself through my blog and its contents, and remember:
“No todas las vacas están hechos para el ordeño.”