Posts Tagged ‘bible’

I recently moved to a new apartment, and because I’m about to move again in about three or four months I didn’t feel like unpacking all of my books – only the ones I felt like I needed in my impressively small bookshelf, and I thought of making a list of a few of them*:

  • Albert Camus: The Fall
  • Allah/Muhammad: The Quran
  • Boccaccio: Decameron
  • Dante: The Divine Comedy
  • Euripides: Electra
  • Finn Høghøj: Pre-Socratics
  • Franz Kafka: The Verdict
  • Frede Møller Kristensen: Texts of Buddhism – Pedagogical Studies
  • Friedrich Nietzsche: Thus Spoke Zarathustra
  • George Orwell: 1984
  • George Orwell: Animal Farm
  • God/Moses: The Bible
  • Henrik Ibsen: A Doll’s House
  • Homer: The Illiad
  • Homer: The Odyssey
  • Howard Philips Lovecraft: Necronomicon
  • Jean-Paul Sartre: Existentialism is a Humanism
  • Johannes Sløk, Mogens Pihl & Erik Lund: The European History of Ideas
  • K.E. Løgstrup: Creation and Destruction
  • K.E. Løgstrup: Martin Heidegger
  • K.E. Løgstrup: The Ethical Demand
  • Ken Keysey: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
  • Lewis Carroll: Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
  • Lewis Carroll: Through the Looking Glass
  • Marty: Nachel: Homebrewing for Dummies
  • Professor Wally Jay: Small Circle Jiu-jitsu
  • Sv. Aage Bay: Contemporary Foreign Religions
  • Victor Hugo: Les Misérables
  • William Shakespeare: Collected Works
  • Willy Thrysøe: Human Sexuality: a Philosophical and Biological Analysis
  • + About 15 books about various fields of mathematics and chemistry

*When possible I’ll use the English titles – otherwise I’ll try to translate in best the best possible way.

Jag vet inte något bättre, men i Amerika har de visat
att i låten “Beyond the Realms of Death” av Judas Priest
Finns det röster i huvudet som säger: Ge dig själv en chans
Men det är svårt när du inte vet vilket håll kulan ut
Så jag sa släpp rädslan för sataniska musik
För du blir först hjärndöd, så det kan inte slå klick
Och även om Ozzy Osbourne hoppade en dopade get i luften
Finns det inget fel med sunt förnuft …. nej

So… Lamb is watching? I really, really love Penny Arcade, but seriously, I just don’t get this! There’s clearly some BioShock 2-stuff going on here but what the fuck? Can somebody please explain this to me? Am I really getting so old, that I no longer can manage to keep up with today’s gaming pop-culture? Personally I love lamb, some people say that it tastes like whool, but c’mon! I find that it tastes like fucking clouds!

Think about it, ever read a book called the Bible?

The Holy Bible, the book of books, now for Game Boy Advance!

It’s basically this huge brick of paper, coming in two parts: Part I and Part II. The first part, called The Old Testament is a collection of novellas and stuff, telling you that if you do not obey God (a megalomanic old dude with a beard) you get killed, stuck by lightning, made to salt or stoned (yeah, killed). Anyways, this God fella is PMS-ing all through Part I, until the writer (who by the way, is inkognito) decides that, that God fella might want to change direction, so he sends his son, this happy, surfer-looking dude down to earth:

His name is Jesus Christ and was born on christmas eve some 2000 years ago (in March), he was the child of the Virgin Mary, God and the Holy Ghost (OMG, isn’t the Father/God, the Son/Jesus and that Ghost the same as the Holy Trinity?! – yes they are, so Jesus jumped his own mom and is the son of himself).

Anyway, let’s get back on track; the writer of the Bible thought: “Hmm, God was actually preeeeetty mean in the first part, let’s make a huge plot twist and introduce this peace loving Jesus-guy, and give God a mental make-over and change his style from:

“Thou shalt not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me.” (Exodus, 20:2-17)

To:

“Hey Dude, it doesn’t matter if you steal, rape, commit adultery or kill people. As long as you say sorry you’re welcome into Paradise when you die. Don’t think about going to Hell. Just say sorry. Actually, screw that! I’ll just sacrifice my son on a wooden cross, and make him pay for your sins. How’s that?” (Pretty much all of the New Testament)

And that was pretty much what Jesus said himself:

*Spoiler alerts ahead*

Actually, when God’s plan works out in the end, and Jesus is about to die on his wooden cross he [Jesus] gets second toughts and cries out for God’s help, but alas! God didn’t answer the phone, and Jesus died. Aaw.

In the end of Part II aka The New Testament, the world ends in the Apocalypse, and there is this huge friggin war between Heaven and Hell, and Jesus comes back in the shape of a lamb (an old symbol of Jesus’ innocence and stuff like that) and kills everyone who won’t put a mark on their right hand or forhead, and the remaining people are lifted up to the skies and lives happily ever after in New Jerusalem along with God, the Ghost and Jesus.

So, if lambs are little Jesuses, let me have one more! The catholics seem to love consuming Jesus-bread (and Jesus-wine, that magically transforms into his blood… Damn you, catholic vampires!), and who can disagree with me when I say, that I’d rather have a nice piece of meat, lamb-beef than a piece of dry, moldy bread… Cheap catholics…

Han, som bränner ner en annan mans hus, är en mycket trevlig man.