Archive for the ‘Misc.’ Category

Shopping with you girlfriend

Posted: November 16, 2011 in Everyday life, Misc.
Tags: , ,

Shopping for clothes with my girlfriend. Again.

I don’t know why every single guy hates this so much, but we do. We really do.

We hate it almost as much as shopping clothes for ourselves (and if you are one of those dudes who actually like to shop for clothes, then sorry dude, but you gay).

What the stores need is to look IKEA over the shoulders and make a “man-care”, like a daycare but for men, where the poor guys can hang out, watch some cage fighting and drink a beer while their wives or girlfriends shop for clothes or shoes or shit…

/Joe out

Dumb bastards…

Posted: November 6, 2011 in Education, Everyday life, Misc.
Tags: ,

I was “stalking” people from my old elementary school from like, way back in the day and I was curious as to what they’ve all become, since I’ve barely had contact with 90 % of them for the past 5 or 6 years.

And frankly, I was shocked! I was shocked to see that I was right all the way!

Most of the people in my school were the kind of kids who hang out a little too long with some of the wrong people and barely paid attention in class. I hang with solely with the “good” people – mostly because all the “wrong” people made sure to make my everyday life a living hell during the 10 years I spend in elementary.

But I knew I’d have my revenge. When I graduated with top grades and actually made something of myself and they – poor bastards – simply couldn’t because they were too dumb to graduate from “High School” (what we in Denmark call gymnasium – which is after elementary and before university).

Thus! They are all fucking crack heads and retards who don’t have an education and don’t care to get one because “I can always get that job at McDonald’s”

… Well, impressive. And you where they one who bullied me?


 

Like a sir!

Goddammit I need a fuckin drink…

So, last night me and some friends decided that we’d like to set a crucifix on fire. So we did that, aswell as using my iPhone to record it. Awesome huh? Nope, not compared to what happend afterwards.

Wheb we played back the video we saw that it was photo/video nr 666 in my photo-folder…

Well, I be damned…

”Where did they go?” Okie asked. “I think they went up the stairs” Teresa answered. Okie the Walrus Boy looked at her. “Why did they do that?” he asked. “Because Jesus is up there” she answered and pointed her hideous bony finger at the top of the stairs. They were brown and worn, and they smelled like burnt leaves. “W-w-w-who’s Jesus, Teresa?” the Walrus Boy stuttered, the hair on his back started to stand up. There was something eerie about the old hag, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Was she nice? Or was she bad? She sure looked evil to Okie, but she had given him a box of chocolates earlier, some very good chocolates indeed, so she couldn’t be bad. Could she? Okie had never seen a bad person give anyone any candy.

“Jesus is the son of God, my little tusky friend. He is a great man and he died for your sins” she answered. Her voice sounded like she’d just downed a handful of gravel. Harsh and unwelcome. “Don’t you want to meet Jesus, Okie?”. Okie looked up the stairs. It was dark up there. Couldn’t see a thing. Was that music coming from above? He looked back at the old woman, her hump moved with the soothing rhythm of her breath. Her breath smelled like burnt matches. She smiled at him. With her teeth. All of them. They weren’t normal. They looked a little shorter than normal and it seemed like there were twice as many as normal.

“I don’t know. He sure sounds like a nice fella” the Walrus said. “But why is he all the way up there? Can’t he come down here? The stairs look so very dangerous to step on!” Okie said. He looked in the chocolate box for the last piece of coco delight. They were all gone. “Because, my curious little friend, Jesus is old now. He was born waaaaay back, almost 2.000 years ago, and when you are 2.000 years old, you wouldn’t be happy to walk down those stairs, would you? Now get up there and say hello…”

Okie looked at the stairs again. Tiny ants crawled all the way up his spine as he took the first step. The wood started screaming as he took the next. He stopped at once: “Why are the steps screaming?” he yelled. “Those are some very old steps, young friend. Just hurry up there. Maybe I’ve got another box of candy for you if you hurry!” the old witch lured. Okie sure liked candy, and that Jesus guy did sound nice, and if he was that old, it sure would seem rude not to say hello. Not many old people tend to get visitors and all their friends are dead. Okie knew that because his great grandfather’s friends died too.

As he took the final steps towards the top of the stairs, he looked down at Teresa. It seemed that the staircase has gotten longer since he started climbing them. “Don’t you want to see Jesus too, Teresa?” The bottom of the stairs seemed so very far away that he had to yell for her to hear him.

“I will join you in a minute young lad” Why didn’t she have to yell for Okie to hear her? This was indeed a very weird house. Very weird indeed.

At the top of the stairs Okie saw a small door. It looked like a door for a dog. Not a small one, but certainly not for a big one either. He knocked three times: “Mr. Jesus? Mr. Jeeeeesus? Are you in there?” Okie didn’t get any answer; he took hold of the door knob and opened the door. He really had to squeeze his way in there.

When he got inside Okie was stunned out of his mind! The room was huge! Not just big, but really, really huge! There were at least 50 meters to the next wall and when he looked up he couldn’t see the ceiling! Never had Okie been in such a huge room before. He started to walk about. There wasn’t much to see. The walls were covered in white wallpaper with something that looked like purple flowers and the floor was made of wood, the same wood as the staircase.

A voice called out. It came from the other side of the room. Okie started to walk towards it. “Hello? Anybody there? Mr. Jesus?” he asked, hoping to get an answer. “Who’s there” the voice answered. It reminded Okie of his great grandfather just before he died. “I am here” the voice said. It sounded like whoever it belonged to where very, very tired. At the opposite side of the door he came in from, he found him. Jesus. He looked very old, after all Teresa said that he was about 2.000 years old. And that’s old. His eyes where pale and his long white hair and beard almost reached his hips. “Are you Jesus?” Okie asked. “I am Jesus Christ” Jesus answered. “What are you doing here, young boy?” he asked. The Walrus Boy tried to look him in the eye, but his wrinkles was in the way. He looked as if he was in great pain. “I came here with Teresa. She’s an old hag but she gave me chocolates, she doesn’t smell good but I think she’s nice. There were some other people too, but I don’t know where they went” the boy said.

Then he saw what had happened to Jesus. He was strung up on a cross! Somebody had put nails through his hands and feet and hung him on a wooden cross! “Oh, Jesus! Why are you on a cross? Don’t it hurt?” the choked Walrus asked. “It doesn’t matter anymore young lad, get away from here. Bad things happen here. The things I have seen. Oh, dear Lord, get away from here!” the tired Jesus replied. “But I have to get you down from there!” said Okie. “No! The woman you are with. She is not good. She will get you the same way she got me! Get away from here quick!” said Jesus. He tried to shout but he was too weak. Then suddenly the door went up with a huge slam and in the door stood Teresa. She looked older than before. “Young boy! Get away from here”

But it was already too late. The boy and Jesus were doomed. As Teresa moved towards them, Okie felt the hairs on his back stand up, and he was certain that he’d eaten the last chocolate in his life. “Jesus!” Okie screamed. “We are doomed!” and suddenly all went black.

When you float around in pure darkness nothing seems real. No light. No sound. No smell. No nothing. When you can’t smell, feel or hear anything, are you really present then? Where do you go, when you die? These where the thoughts that went through the mind of the Walrus Boy. Okie found himself floating through the mighty abyss of darkness that is death. He didn’t know what had happened, but he didn’t feel anything. Suddenly he felt an eerie presence in the dark, something familiar. He didn’t know if his eyes where shut or open. How could he?

Then, like a huge explosion out of nothing, all his senses returned. A woman was shaking him, yelling, at him. “Okie! Okie!” she screamed. The boy didn’t understand. Who was she? Where had he been? “You were just having a bad dream, boy!” she said, as Okie started to realize where he was. He recognized the posters, his bookshelf. It was just a bad dream! But it felt so lifelike. He didn’t understand, it had felt so lifelike, there was no doubt that he had died earlier.