I am so fucking hung over… Why the Hell won’t I ever learn?

… It is never too late to stop drinking is it?

So there is a guy sittin in a room on the other side of the court yard of my dormatory… He’s fat, naked and probably masturbating

Goddammit I need a fuckin drink…

1 litres of beer. In 1 can.

Can you have 1 liters of beer instead of just 0.33 liters?

Yes, you can!

So, awesome just got even awesomer

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better fate just pokes it’s ugly face in through the door and says: “what up, motherfucker? Wanna see something awesome?”

Well, do ya? Okay.

I give you:

Baconnaise! It’s mayonnaise. With fucking BACON!

Wait? That’s not new? Then how ’bout the Bacon Explosion?

It’s bacon. At it explodes! In your fucking ARTERIES!

Yes. That’s a huge fucking piece of bacon wrapped with bacon. And awesome.

I can feel my arteries clotting just by looking at it!

But that’s still a little last year?

Okay, then take a look at this:

Waffle on a stick?... Fuck... Yes.

Yes. That is a friggin’ waffle on a friggin’ stick. That is a waffle stick. Just think about it:

You take the best of two worlds:

Everybody knows, that stuff on a stick is better than just stuff

Stick. Sticks. When you put something on a stick, you know it instantly gets better. Who’d eat a popsicle

This kid's got a GIANT popsicle. No pedo-pun intented.

… If it wasn’t on a stick?

Plus, when your food is on a stick, you can walk around eating it!

"Uuuuh, look at me! I'm walking around eating my christmas tree-esque watermelon flavoured icy frozen delight! So, fuck you, sir, cuz I'm AWESOME!"

No need to ever being bound to a table when you need a something to eat!

No need to ever do the dishes when you’re done eating! Cause you can just throw away the stick!

… And! Now, you can go to your friend’s house with your sticked awesomeness and show him how awesome your waffle stick is, and rub your awesomeness right in his fucking face!

Waffle on a stick!

Sticks with waffles!

Waffle delight!

Waffles! With sticks!

Because AWESOME just got AWESOMEER!

Hunger!

As we all know, the Norwegian writer Knut Hamsun wrote a book in 1890 called Hunger about a guy who’s hungry.

A meal! A meal! My kingdom for a meal!

… And I am fucking starving!

I’ve got a bacon lunchbox, why are YOU awesome?

Could eat

Could eat that too

And that one too

And that one for desert

Then I’d look like him:

Fat guy is being fat

And the best part is, that I wouldn’t feel so damn hungry!

… Like that Guatemalan kid

Hung over with a touch of cinnamon

… Because I went out last night and got shit faced. Seriously shit faced, not to the point when I needed to throw up, but it was close, and because I’m eating my girlfriend’s food, leftovers from yesterday, a curry/rice-thing she heated for me, but unfortuneately she mistook the cinnamon for the curry, so she compensated for the cinnamon orgy with extra salt and curry powder. What a feast.

I’m almost done with my thesis on ethics in self defence situations for my black belt exams next month. Oh yeah, finally getting my black belt, after doing jiu-jitsu for about seven years, gonna be epic.

Finally, I just want to say that I fucking hate busdrivers! They are an angry and hateful breed. When you buy your ticket, and pay with a 100 note, they constantly starts yelling and cursing. Seriously, Busdriver, do you really have to be such a jew about it?

Happy St. Patrick’s day!

… Today, everybody’s a little Irish

Today’s gaming pop-culture

So… Lamb is watching? I really, really love Penny Arcade, but seriously, I just don’t get this! There’s clearly some BioShock 2-stuff going on here but what the fuck? Can somebody please explain this to me? Am I really getting so old, that I no longer can manage to keep up with today’s gaming pop-culture? Personally I love lamb, some people say that it tastes like whool, but c’mon! I find that it tastes like fucking clouds!

Think about it, ever read a book called the Bible?

It’s basically this huge brick of paper, coming in two parts: Part I and Part II. The first part, called The Old Testament is a collection of novellas and stuff, telling you that if you do not obey God (a megalomanic old dude with a beard) you get killed, stuck by lightning, made to salt or stoned (yeah, killed). Anyways, this God fella is PMS-ing all through Part I, until the writer (who by the way, is inkognito) decides that, that God fella might want to change direction, so he sends his son, this happy, surfer-looking dude down to earth:

His name is Jesus Christ and was born on christmas eve some 2000 years ago (in March), he was the child of the Virgin Mary, God and the Holy Ghost (OMG, isn’t the Father/God, the Son/Jesus and that Ghost the same as the Holy Trinity?! – yes they are, so Jesus jumped his own mom and is the son of himself).

Anyway, let’s get back on track; the writer of the Bible thought: “Hmm, God was actually preeeeetty mean in the first part, let’s make a huge plot twist and introduce this peace loving Jesus-guy, and give God a mental make-over and change his style from:

“Thou shalt not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and the fourth generation of those who reject me.” (Exodus, 20:2-17)

To:

“Hey Dude, it doesn’t matter if you steal, rape, commit adultery or kill people. As long as you say sorry you’re welcome into Paradise when you die. Don’t think about going to Hell. Just say sorry. Actually, screw that! I’ll just sacrifice my son on a wooden cross, and make him pay for your sins. How’s that?” (Pretty much all of the New Testament)

And that was pretty much what Jesus said himself:

*Spoiler alerts ahead*

Actually, when God’s plan works out in the end, and Jesus is about to die on his wooden cross he [Jesus] gets second toughts and cries out for God’s help, but alas! God didn’t answer the phone, and Jesus died. Aaw.

In the end of Part II aka The New Testament, the world ends in the Apocalypse, and there is this huge friggin war between Heaven and Hell, and Jesus comes back in the shape of a lamb (an old symbol of Jesus’ innocence and stuff like that) and kills everyone who won’t put a mark on their right hand or forhead, and the remaining people are lifted up to the skies and lives happily ever after in New Jerusalem along with God, the Ghost and Jesus.

So, if lambs are little Jesuses, let me have one more! The catholics seem to love consuming Jesus-bread (and Jesus-wine, that magically transforms into his blood… Damn you, catholic vampires!), and who can disagree with me when I say, that I’d rather have a nice piece of meat, lamb-beef than a piece of dry, moldy bread… Cheap catholics…

Han, som bränner ner en annan mans hus, är en mycket trevlig man.