Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category

I’m a huge fan of Ray William Johnson’s “show” on youtube, Equals Three,

but what the fuck is up with all those videos of cats doing boring stuff?

Yeah, a cat standing on its hind legs. Fuck me.

How ’bout some more of this:

or this:

Cats are just not that friggin funny, dude. But people getting hurt are.

Btw, I don’t know how this post is even remotely interesting.

What the fuck? I’m away for five fucking days, and all hell breaks loose. Yesterday I found out that this dude died of cancer:

He had cancer in his ass and now he's dead. But he's still 800 times more awesome than you'll ever be.

Actually, that wasn’t that surprising when you think about it. Because he kinda looked like this:

And when you look like this:

You might wanna start thinking about writing your will and maybe arrange something with your favourite undertaker:

Yes. That dude.

But then out of fucking nowhere, Gary fucking Coleman falls, hits his head and dies from an epidural hematoma. 

…And now we’ll never know what the fuck Willis was talking about.

… No, seriously. I don’t need my fucking ratings dropping. It probably my own fault though, I haven’t been blogging motherfucker that I used to be, but a lot of shit’s been going down the past few weeks. Okay, not a lot’s been going down actually, I’ve just spend my time playing Left 4 Dead (the best game ever and I don’t care what You say, you fucking Jew!) and watching zombie movies.

I stumbled upon Zombieland last week, and I think I’ve seen it four times so far. Best damn zombie flick since 28 Days Later, why? Because Woody “Motherfucker” Harrelson is the baddest motherfucker since Clive Owen in Shoot ’em Up and Gerard Butler in 300.

Woody Harrelson as the banjo playing, pick axe wielding, Dave Murray-aficionado (with an obsessive lust for twinkies), Tallahassee is definately his best role since Natural Born Killers. What about his part in No Country for Old Men? Fuck you, that movie sucked so much ass that I nearly vomited.

It all started with Shaun of the Dead, then came the Norwegian Dead Snow, or Død Snø with it’s over-the-top nazi-zombies. Just awesome.

Be there, or be square, mo-fo!

Ser du? Du kan bara inte lita på någon. Den första tjejen jag släppa in i mitt liv och hon försöker äta upp mig.

 

 

I just took a look at the list of Will Smith‘s in development-projects, and I must say, damn he’s busy but fuck, what the hell are the directors thinking? Here’s the list:

  1. Independence Day 3 (details only on IMDbPro)
  2. Angelology (details only on IMDbPro)
  3. The Last Pharaoh (details only on IMDbPro)
  4. Independence Day 2 (details only on IMDbPro)
  5. Greenbacks (details only on IMDbPro)
  6. It Takes a Thief (details only on IMDbPro)
  7. Flowers for Algernon (details only on IMDbPro)
  8. Welcome to the Sticks (details only on IMDbPro)
  9. Monster Hunter (details only on IMDbPro)
  10. Extra Protection (details only on IMDbPro)
  11. Time Share (details only on IMDbPro)
  12. Untitled I Am Legend Prequel (details only on IMDbPro)
  13. Harold and the Purple Crayon (details only on IMDbPro)
  14. Brushback (details only on IMDbPro)
  15. The Billionaire’s Vinegar (details only on IMDbPro)
  16. I, Robot 2 (details only on IMDbPro)
  17. Sisters of Mercy (details only on IMDbPro)
  18. Amulet (details only on IMDbPro)
  19. The City That Sailed (details only on IMDbPro)
  20. Hancock 2 (details only on IMDbPro)
  21. The American Can (details only on IMDbPro)
  22. Cooked (details only on IMDbPro)
  23. My Wife Hates Your Wife (details only on IMDbPro)
  24. Overboard (details only on IMDbPro)
  25. Men in Black 3 (details only on IMDbPro)
  26. The Long Run (details only on IMDbPro)
  27. Uptown Saturday Night (details only on IMDbPro)
  28. Unfinished Business (details only on IMDbPro)

The first thing that came to my mind was: damn, he’s not wasting his time on his family, that’s for sure. The next thing is the titles of some of the movies. Specifically I’m talking about:

  1. Men in Black 3
  2. Hancock 2
  3. I, Robot 2
  4. Untitled I Am Legend Prequel
  5. Independence Day 2
  6. Independence Day 3

Let’s start from the top. Men in Black 3? They get their stuff together. It’s been confirmed that Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones will be reprising their roles as K and J, thank god, but still? MIB 2 sucked ass, for fuck’s sake, who wanted Johnny Knoxwille in that movie??

Anyways, they better come up with a better story than last if this is ever gonna work. Personally I really, really hope it’s going to be a better movie than nr. 2 – somebody must have learnt from their previous mistakes.

Okay, then it’s Hancock 2.

I can see this happening. The first one was great, and superhero movies always come with sequels and that’s good, and I really wanna see who things work out with Hancock and his sister. Hancock 2 is gonna be awesome, unless they really, really fuck it up. I mean, the first one wasn’t that complex, so I guess the second one don’t have to be either to become a sucess?

I’m really, really having a hard time with this one. Not for the same reasons as with MIB 3, but simply because I fucking hate when you pull a book down from your bookshelf and think damn, I that’ll make a good movie. And it’s always a good book, a highly acclaimed book like Isaac Asimov’s I, Robot from 1950 and instead of actually make a movie that follows the book, you base some of the story on a few pieces of the book, and steal the book’s title to get the attention from the audience. Oh yeah, and a few years later the same movie director thinks something in the line of: hey, that movie I made. The one I based on that book. Yeah, let’s make a sequel. Yeah, make a sequel that does not exist. You can’t just come up with the ideas for a sequel to a book you did not write, when the book does not even have a sequel.

Then it’s the Untitled I Am Legend Prequel, again, stupid ass director. You the same thing. You base a movie on a book, actually to make a movie the only similarities to the book you base your movie on being the name of the main character, the setting of the story, and then change everything else. Then you decide to make a prequel to this story you didn’t come up with. In my world, that is some kind of litterary theft. You steal the work of the original author and make something new up. If I made a “prequel” to the Mona Lisa and tell everybody that, that’s how Mona looked 15 years before Da Vinci painted the first one, people would laugh.

As to Independence Day 2 and 3, I can’t but say, what the fuck? The first one had major flaws, how the hell did Will Smith learn to steer an alien spacecraft with such dexterity and skill in just 5 minutes? Yeah, he was  a fighter pilot, but still, it’s a fucking UFO. Get real. Second, these aliens came from an other galaxy, had force shields and a huge fucking laser cannon that atomized the White House in a second. Pretty advanced, right? Yeah, you’d think so. If you were able to travel from a galaxy far, far away to Earth, wouldn’t you be smart enough to not getting your fucking ass kicked by a fucking virus stored on a fucking floppy disk?

Anywho, I’m a little excited to see what have happened to Earth after the (failed but yet disastrous) invasion, but still, aliens, if you get fucked in the ass by tiny humans with a floppy disk, why, why the hell do you wanna come back here?

28 movies? Ain’t that the very definition of over-kill? Either he really, really enjoys staying on set all his time, instead of taking a break and spend some quality time with the family, or the financial crisis hit his ass and he needs the money (do I have to say Gwyneth Paltrow in Shallow Hal?). As for the quality of his movies, I hope it’s the first.

Ever since Mother, the television nazi, started banning me from using the tv when I wanted to watch something she didn’t, I found out that I had to do something. And one day I stumbled upon NCIS – sure I’ve seen it on tv, but I found out that I could watch it on the internet whenever I wanted to! So I started with the first episode of the first season and worked my way through the entire series in about a month…

But it wasn’t until I finished Family Guy that I realized what had happened. I’d become addicted to these god damned shows. But it didn’t end there. So far, I’m up-to-date with:

  • House, MD
  • NCIS
  • Scrubs
  • Friends
  • Family Guy
  • American Dad
  • Two and a Half Men
  • The King of Queens
  • Futurama
  • Bones
  • How I Met Your Mother
  • The Big Bang Theory
  • True Blood (I know, but Anna Paquin is pretty to look at)
  • Harper’s Island (well, I’m not actually up-to-date with this one, because it’s only 13 episodes)
  • Dexter

And I’m currently watching the first season of Lost and I can easily watch three or four episodes a day (that, by the way, is how much I’m bored these days) and before I couldn’t stand those people who was enslaved by the tv, forced to sit week after week and watch the same show. But I love these tv shows, and maybe the reason why I don’t hate myself that much for it, is because I’m not a slave like “the others”, I can watch each and every episode of my shows when I want, I am not forced by the programmed schedule to sit every Thursday night and watch my show, I can do it when I’m bored and have nothing to do or when I can’t find a good movie or stuff like that.

The only problem is, that when I finish one show, I’m left with two choices: what for the next season to start (which is typically a half or one year later) or start watching a new one (which makes me addicted to that one as well).

Om man talar med Gud du är religiös. Om Gud talar med dig, du är psykotisk.

Sliced eyeball in 3... 2... 1...

Sliced eyeball in 3... 2... 1...

But I really need to sleep. I feel like watching some old surrealist/avantgarde movie or analyse a painting, but the truth is, that it is now 23:59 or 11:59 pm, and I started watching the first season of Lost yesterday (and me being a sucker for that kind of stuff… House, M.D., How I met your Mother, Scrubs, NCIS, Futurama, Family guy, Bones – tv shows in general, I really, really need to watch at least two episodes before I got to bed… I know, it’s bad…) so I really don’t have the time to spend two hours watching, thinking and writing about art right now, even though it would be awesome to put on some jazz and just be intellectual again for once. It was much easier back in high school when I had to do that kind of thing, but without a deadline from a teacher and knowing that not writing the 5 page essay about Un Chien Andalou would have consequences, I’m just not that motivated…