Fucking lampreys!

Posted: October 22, 2010 in Everyday life, Misc.
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Oh my fucking god. I spend a lot of my time browsing through wikipedia just for the lulz, but I must admit that I, from time to time, regret reading some of the articles, like this one for example:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamprey

Mother… Fucking… Lampreys! They are like the predators

of eels! Here’s what a normal eel look like:

A cute little fella (and tasty too), but lampreys, oh my god. Lampreys are the result of a seriously bad date between that predator (ugly motherfucker) and that eel, and here is the result:

Holy shit! Look at those teeth!

So these sons of bitches obviously comes in various sizes, ranging from about 13 cm (that’s about the size of your dick) to 100 fucking cm (that’s about 40 inches!) and here’s how they work:

So, lampreys practice hematophagy, which basically means that they suck the blood of their prey. Like a giant fucking leech

The only difference is, that leeches usually don’t get 100 cm long and they sure as hell won’t let go by just pouring a little salt on ’em. These bastards tend to fight!

Anywho, then this fish comes to town, swimmin’ around just mindin’ it’s own business, when this blood sucking son of bitch

passes by and bore it’s way into the fucking flesh of this poor bastard:

and the lamprey leaves the fish to die when it’s full, kinda like this:

So the next (obvious) question is: what the fuck can we ’em for?

Well, if you are Korean or Swedish (or live in the Middle Ages like the Swedes do) you might wanna turn on the friggin’ stove ’cause lampreys are one fancy eat! During the Middle Ages all the kings, queens and fancy people through out Europe just loved that stuff!

Even the Portuguese loves ’em!

 

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