Archive for May, 2010

The Zombie Apocalypse, it’s not a question about if, but when it starts. Because it’s coming. You can laugh all you want, but in the end, I’ll be laughing even harder when I’m safe and alive and you are dead. Seriously. So while we wait for Patient Zero to take that faithful bite of that contaminated burger, here is my guide to surviving The Zombie Apocalypse, Z-Day, or The Zompocalypse:

Learn how to use a firearmyou wanna be able to kill them (again) from a distance.

MozambiqueDouble tap in the chest and one in between the eyes.

Improvised weapons lean how to work a chainsaw, kill with a kitchen knife, turn your hairspray into a flamethrower and blow shit up with a microwave.

Ammo! – make sure you have plenty of it.

Cardiowho do you think will be the first ones to go? Yeah, the fatties.

Gimme shelterfind the shelter with the least entrances possible. Remember, glass can be broken and when the zombies are raging, the doors won’t stay boarded up forever.

Real friends kill friends who become zombiesThe purest form of bro love. No homo.

No photos of your girlfriendfor some reason it’s always the guy with the photograph of his girlfriend that dies first. For some other reason this rule does not apply to girls.

Canned foodif the virus can spread through saliva or blood or anything that can be left on a piece of toast, stick with canned food. It lasts forever and the cans are air tight, so unless Patient Zero worked on the factory that made the  canned goodies, and he spat in the food, you should be OK.

It only takes two to a tangodo not travel in large groups. Think about it: you are locked up in your shelter, and suddenly the guy in the corner reveals that he is, in fact, infected, and suddenly attacks and bites the person standing next to him. Result: two infected people infecting others, and all of a sudden the shit hits the fan. In a small room. With a lot of infected, and only one of you.

So, yesterday music lost one of its greatest voices. That of Ronald James Padavona, father of

\m/ THE HORNS \m/

He was known from such groups as Rainbow, Black Sabbath, Heaven & Hell and his own band, Dio. Asides from these he was also the man behind Hear ‘n Aid, a collective fundraiser, raising money for famine relief in Africa.

Ronnie James Dio, July 10th, 1942 – May 16th, 2010

Goodnight sweet prince.

Let’s admit it. I’ve got the attention span of a three year-old. When it comes to literature that is. How many books have I started to read? And how many did I finish before starting on a new one? Actually I don’t have an answer, because I really don’t know. What I do know is, that right in this moment I’m reading four books at once. Lord of the Flies, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, The Divine Comedy and a book on Egyptian art history.

I read Lord of the Flies for the first time in the 7th grade, great book, even back then, but I started reading it again, because I think I’d appreciate it more now that I’m older and wiser.

Thus Spoke Zarathustra. Thus Spoke Zarathustra is the book I just can’t finish. I’ve had it for about two years and I’ve never read past page 27. It’s not that it’s boring or anything, I love Nietzsche and his philosophy, but it’s like there’s some kind of barrier I just can’t read past. So now, for the 5th time, I’m giving it a shot.

The Divine Comedy is the classic I actually never finished. Mostly because the coolest part is the Inferno, Hell. Purgatory and Paradise sounds dull, but truth be told, I never started reading Purgatory or Paradise.

And why am I reading about Egyptian art history? Firstly, because I’m supposed to study Middle Eastern archaeology after the summer holidays, and I like to be a little up front and I don’t know anything about art in ancient Egypt. Secondly, because I just happened to pick it up during a book sale and I thought: that’s good toilet reading. Yeah. It is.

What the fuck? Since when did brazilian jiu-jitsu get gay? Sure, some guys like to roll around the floor half-naked, grabbing each other like the two homos in the picture above (actually I never saw the awesomeness in rolling around the mat half-commando, when you can do it in a gi or at least a rashguard).

But what about these dudes:

Chuck Liddell, does not seem that gay, sittin’ with two hot chicks, sure he looks like a retard but I’d bet my sweet ass that he can fuck up Your Dad real good.

Or what about his motherfucker, Randy Couture. At age 46 he’s doing professional MMA in the UFC. Doesn’t seem gay at all!

Sure, he’s half-naked, mounting Tito Ortiz (faggot), but he’s still punching the living daylights out of him. Yeah, it’s gay when two dudes are fighting each other, but when two chicks do, it’s hot. What the fuck, is up with that?

Yeah, that is so fucking gay…