Archive for April, 2010

… No, seriously. I don’t need my fucking ratings dropping. It probably my own fault though, I haven’t been blogging motherfucker that I used to be, but a lot of shit’s been going down the past few weeks. Okay, not a lot’s been going down actually, I’ve just spend my time playing Left 4 Dead (the best game ever and I don’t care what You say, you fucking Jew!) and watching zombie movies.

I stumbled upon Zombieland last week, and I think I’ve seen it four times so far. Best damn zombie flick since 28 Days Later, why? Because Woody “Motherfucker” Harrelson is the baddest motherfucker since Clive Owen in Shoot ’em Up and Gerard Butler in 300.

Woody Harrelson as the banjo playing, pick axe wielding, Dave Murray-aficionado (with an obsessive lust for twinkies), Tallahassee is definately his best role since Natural Born Killers. What about his part in No Country for Old Men? Fuck you, that movie sucked so much ass that I nearly vomited.

It all started with Shaun of the Dead, then came the Norwegian Dead Snow, or Død Snø with it’s over-the-top nazi-zombies. Just awesome.

Be there, or be square, mo-fo!

Ser du? Du kan bara inte lita på någon. Den första tjejen jag släppa in i mitt liv och hon försöker äta upp mig.

 

 

I noticed how my ratings has been dropping a lot the past weeks, so here’s a picture of a rock ‘n roll-jew upping the horns:

I just took a look at the list of Will Smith‘s in development-projects, and I must say, damn he’s busy but fuck, what the hell are the directors thinking? Here’s the list:

  1. Independence Day 3 (details only on IMDbPro)
  2. Angelology (details only on IMDbPro)
  3. The Last Pharaoh (details only on IMDbPro)
  4. Independence Day 2 (details only on IMDbPro)
  5. Greenbacks (details only on IMDbPro)
  6. It Takes a Thief (details only on IMDbPro)
  7. Flowers for Algernon (details only on IMDbPro)
  8. Welcome to the Sticks (details only on IMDbPro)
  9. Monster Hunter (details only on IMDbPro)
  10. Extra Protection (details only on IMDbPro)
  11. Time Share (details only on IMDbPro)
  12. Untitled I Am Legend Prequel (details only on IMDbPro)
  13. Harold and the Purple Crayon (details only on IMDbPro)
  14. Brushback (details only on IMDbPro)
  15. The Billionaire’s Vinegar (details only on IMDbPro)
  16. I, Robot 2 (details only on IMDbPro)
  17. Sisters of Mercy (details only on IMDbPro)
  18. Amulet (details only on IMDbPro)
  19. The City That Sailed (details only on IMDbPro)
  20. Hancock 2 (details only on IMDbPro)
  21. The American Can (details only on IMDbPro)
  22. Cooked (details only on IMDbPro)
  23. My Wife Hates Your Wife (details only on IMDbPro)
  24. Overboard (details only on IMDbPro)
  25. Men in Black 3 (details only on IMDbPro)
  26. The Long Run (details only on IMDbPro)
  27. Uptown Saturday Night (details only on IMDbPro)
  28. Unfinished Business (details only on IMDbPro)

The first thing that came to my mind was: damn, he’s not wasting his time on his family, that’s for sure. The next thing is the titles of some of the movies. Specifically I’m talking about:

  1. Men in Black 3
  2. Hancock 2
  3. I, Robot 2
  4. Untitled I Am Legend Prequel
  5. Independence Day 2
  6. Independence Day 3

Let’s start from the top. Men in Black 3? They get their stuff together. It’s been confirmed that Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones will be reprising their roles as K and J, thank god, but still? MIB 2 sucked ass, for fuck’s sake, who wanted Johnny Knoxwille in that movie??

Anyways, they better come up with a better story than last if this is ever gonna work. Personally I really, really hope it’s going to be a better movie than nr. 2 – somebody must have learnt from their previous mistakes.

Okay, then it’s Hancock 2.

I can see this happening. The first one was great, and superhero movies always come with sequels and that’s good, and I really wanna see who things work out with Hancock and his sister. Hancock 2 is gonna be awesome, unless they really, really fuck it up. I mean, the first one wasn’t that complex, so I guess the second one don’t have to be either to become a sucess?

I’m really, really having a hard time with this one. Not for the same reasons as with MIB 3, but simply because I fucking hate when you pull a book down from your bookshelf and think damn, I that’ll make a good movie. And it’s always a good book, a highly acclaimed book like Isaac Asimov’s I, Robot from 1950 and instead of actually make a movie that follows the book, you base some of the story on a few pieces of the book, and steal the book’s title to get the attention from the audience. Oh yeah, and a few years later the same movie director thinks something in the line of: hey, that movie I made. The one I based on that book. Yeah, let’s make a sequel. Yeah, make a sequel that does not exist. You can’t just come up with the ideas for a sequel to a book you did not write, when the book does not even have a sequel.

Then it’s the Untitled I Am Legend Prequel, again, stupid ass director. You the same thing. You base a movie on a book, actually to make a movie the only similarities to the book you base your movie on being the name of the main character, the setting of the story, and then change everything else. Then you decide to make a prequel to this story you didn’t come up with. In my world, that is some kind of litterary theft. You steal the work of the original author and make something new up. If I made a “prequel” to the Mona Lisa and tell everybody that, that’s how Mona looked 15 years before Da Vinci painted the first one, people would laugh.

As to Independence Day 2 and 3, I can’t but say, what the fuck? The first one had major flaws, how the hell did Will Smith learn to steer an alien spacecraft with such dexterity and skill in just 5 minutes? Yeah, he was  a fighter pilot, but still, it’s a fucking UFO. Get real. Second, these aliens came from an other galaxy, had force shields and a huge fucking laser cannon that atomized the White House in a second. Pretty advanced, right? Yeah, you’d think so. If you were able to travel from a galaxy far, far away to Earth, wouldn’t you be smart enough to not getting your fucking ass kicked by a fucking virus stored on a fucking floppy disk?

Anywho, I’m a little excited to see what have happened to Earth after the (failed but yet disastrous) invasion, but still, aliens, if you get fucked in the ass by tiny humans with a floppy disk, why, why the hell do you wanna come back here?

28 movies? Ain’t that the very definition of over-kill? Either he really, really enjoys staying on set all his time, instead of taking a break and spend some quality time with the family, or the financial crisis hit his ass and he needs the money (do I have to say Gwyneth Paltrow in Shallow Hal?). As for the quality of his movies, I hope it’s the first.

I don’t have anything relevant nor intelligent to write about, but still I felt like I had to. So, what’s going down? Not much. I need to get myself together and call that masseuse (no, not a prostitute, if I need that I’d call Your Mother), I’ve been delaying it for about two or three weeks now, but my back is really killing me. It feels like I have two lumbs of agony pressed in between each scapula and my spine. One of each side of cause. Fucking exams. I have had them for almost 10 months now, but my economy didn’t allow me to pay for a massage, it still doesn’t, but my girlfriend gave me a gift certificate. Still, they’re a reminder, telling me to sit straight, and not bend my back when I sit in a chair reading or writing or stuff like that. That’s how I got ’em in the first place. My advice to you, dear reader (or jew) is a little something I got from this book I got called The Bible:

When you study for your exams, don’t sit in a couch bent over a small coffee table. Use a goddamn desk and a nice chair. The couch will fuck your back up. Seriously.

Okay! Motherfucking newsflash! It’s started to snow! Seriously huge motherfucking flakes of snow! Shit, last week the thermometer said 10-12 degrees! It’s supposed to be spring now, not fucking winther! I bet it’s that damn volcano, yet another side effect of the Dustpocalypse. Fucking snow!

När du studerar till din examen, inte sitta i en soffa böjd över ett litet soffbord. Använd ett jävla skrivbord och en fin stol. Soffan kommer knulla din igen. Allvarligt.

First the Snowpocalypse hit the States. Now something… Else is upon us: the Dustpocalypse. If some of you (yes, I know that at least a few people out there read my blog) hadn’t noticed, an Icelandic volcano, the Eyjafjallajökull, erupted last week and sent the European airports checkmate. In Copenhagen alone a stunning 2.250 arrivals and departures has been canceled. That’s not just a few flights. That’s a lot.

Coincidentally I was in Copenhagen when the shit hit the fan, and at first it was just a few cancelled flights to Norway and the airspace were said to be closed until 6 pm, but that was this Thursday, today is Monday and the airspace is still closed. Thank the Heavens I’m not trapped somewhere, like Copenhagen. One of my friends are currently stranded in Copenhagen on his way from Bangkok to Dublin (he has been in Thailand since last year, so I don’t blame him for wanting to go home).

I don’t know if it’s officially been dubbed the Dustpocalypse (yet) so I’m doing it now. Yeah, you stupid fucker, it’s nothing like what happened in Washington, man! You might say. But the fact is: fuck you! Here’s a list of what happens when a country is covered in 2 meters of snow:

  • People are trapped in their houses – no, they just have to stop being so fucking lazy and start walking(!) to the store instead of taking the fucking car.
  • Roofs collapsing – yeah, I don’t really have anything good on that one. That’s just too bad.
  • Snowball fights – fuck… YES!

So stop whining. Here’s what happens when a fucking country is hit by an enormous fucking volcanic dust cloud:

  • Airspace is closed – you don’t want fucking glass on the inside of your jet engines when you’re in a plane, don’t ya?
  • Climate changes – fuck yes, Al Gore! When the atmosphere is filled with ashes the warm rays of the Sun are not able to heat the Earth thus causing a cold summer – Yay, Al Gore says, it’s putting a stop to the global heating! No, fucker, read the next item.
  • Toxicity – okay, volcanic ashes are more or less made of sulfur, and sulfur is not good, not for humans nor plants, got that Al?
  • Acid rain – you know what happens when sulfur get’s mixed with the chemicals in our atmosphere? You get motherfucking acid rain, motherfucker! Just take a look on this shit:

SO2 + OH => HOSO2

=> HOSO2 + O2

=> HO2 + SO3

=> SO3 (g) + H2O (l)

=> H2SO4 (l)

Chemistry is the fucking truth brother… So if you got any sculptures or statues of marble or gypsum, I’d advise you to get them inside. Quickly. Oh, and by the way, acid and plants don’t mix.

  • Snow vs. sulfuric ashes – yeah, snow melts. You know what happens do dust and ashes that gets into the fucking atmosphere? It stays there. For a long time. When the volcano on what today is the Greek island of Santorini erupted? The ashes spread all around the fucking globe. They found traces of the ashes in the glaciers on frggin’ Greenland.

So, what were the consequences of the Snowpocalypse? Please I really wanna know, because I really doubt it was fair to associate a snowstorm with the damn apocalypse, when the Dustpocalypse kicks his fucking ass.

Mother… Fucker… About an hour ago, I was lying in my bed, listening to a few Robert Johnson recordings, while I stared at the famous picture of him with his Gibson L1:

I just couldn’t stop staring. God damn, it’s probably one of the creepiest pictures ever taken! I mean, that devil/cat-thingy in the cloud/noise to his right, and his face. Fuck, I don’t know ’bout you, by I’m scared. Anywho, I fell asleep, and fuck me, I almost screamed when I woke up, with the picture (on the cover of the CD) right next to my face!

Damn…

… Fuck the iPhone. Piece of shit mobile phone. Seriously, I hate the fucking thing, it’s expensive and it’s ugly, the only cool thing about it is the Apple App Store. I seriously love apps, and if I had a brain tumor and actually bought a piece of crap-phone I’d fill it with ’em. But I don’t own an iPhone. I fucking hate iPods too. I even own an iPod, but only because I just can’t seem to find any other mp3-player with a 120 GB harddisc. And I’m a lazy person, I hate to sort out what music I want on my mp3-player and what music I don’t, so I choose the easy way: just upload all my music to the goddamn thing.

Damn it, I’m getting a nokia.